Riding the Kumba
So behind all the pictures and events and marketing and corporate agenda… On the other side of screens and images exists a parallel reality for all of us -of course- that I am compelled to write about today. It is beautiful, as it looks on the surface. What we share is not less true, it’s just a spectacular fraction -in Guy Debords’ approach to spectacularity- but not the totality of our daily doings.
For example I post a lot about yoga, and events, and friends. But my life is more sitting in front of a computer (every day less and less), designing, business planning, meetings, sending emails, running errands, cleaning, cooking, scrolling. I seldom watch series or read. I enjoy seeing friends and dancing and partying of course, but the truth is I spend a lot of time delving in solitary confinement, much needed for me. The point is that our phenomenological self is just a fraction or our beings, of course.
I talk to people daily and times are dense. We are all going through some kind of purge. Some cannot even name it, accept it or deal with it... just dragging themselves in booze, chemicals and screens, which of course will just delay and put weight on the process. (- distraction can be anything, really.. it all depends on the crystal clear motivations behind).
It is unavoidable, the process of going deep within. Some choose to get it done with as fast as possible, some will wait for triggers to hit, some will face adversity and illness and some will have to be born again.
I recently asked my guide: “Why is it taking so long? I’ve been working and working and working and removing layers of shit and trauma and stuff for more than 6 years now, I’m tired, I feel this is taking too long” and she goes “Oh dear, but you have no idea how fast you’re going.. Others have to be born again to deal with a fraction of this”. And in the end… a lifetime of suffering vs some years of hardcore deep refurbishment makes total sense. Taking into account that it fucking works. It shows, and I feel it, and others feel it, and I have never in my life felt happier and genuine and loving and expansive and connected. It doesn’t mean its easy or that it is always like that. You know, your light is proportional to your darkness, they say. So… for some, life is navigating in shallow valleys and tiny pikes and for others is riding the Kumba (hahaha).
So I talk about myself because It’s the subject I know the most about, and because I don’t think I only talk about myself, but in the name of so many out there that can feel identified with me, and thus less lonely. Human nature is unapologetically resemblant (new word).
One of the things learned in alcoholics anonymous is that “I am not alone” in life and in suffering. When sharing in sessions, we are compelled to reply to others when they are mirroring an aspect of ourselves. We don’t aim to judge, point, or advise, we merely share with others when we find out that our struggle is also theirs’.
On the other hand, It is easier to just not do stuff. Not share and create but pickpocket, minimise, deny, hide, redirect, avoid. Bartleby from Hermann Melville was my favorite book for years, my best anti-hero of nothingness, which has a beautiiful point and I will write about shunia and zero and nothingness eventually of course… But again Its easier not to meditate, not to write, not to express, not to put a step out the door. So I have a purpose of sharing about me, because I believe most of us aim to open our package - in any way our soul demands - to share with others for the purpose of planetary evolution or the game of life - or both. Sing, create businesses or initiatives, perform, write, make art, sourdough bread or kombucha and even contemplate or merely be present if that is your true calling.
You know, I’ve navigated like many through mental stuff, trauma, addiction, “mental illness”, alcoholism, pill popping, etc etc. Levelling up, then going down again, then dying, then navigating it, then being up up up, then coming down a bit… and let me tell you… the pendulum has started to shift more and more into the bright side. I stopped suffering because I am now unafraid of dealing with pain. I am not scared of death which means I am no longer scared of life which means I am no longer scared of myself. So I’m good. Very good. But the work on the subtleties of the self is deep - oil drilling, Mariana’s Trench - deep. The finest sucker rod deep…. down…. in!
haha.. Last weeks I’ve been in a self inflicted kind of solitary confinement, working on the subtle dwells of my soul. (yes, the oil metaphors are very on point with the current economic panorama). Ive been navigating this fast- trak initiation / actualization process that involves dying and rebirthing yourself daily. Last week, for the first time in my life, i visited my master -spiritual guide- 3 times as the times are demanding deep-deep self healing work, uncovering the subtler puffs and most hidden gems of self exploration and thus self discovery, that hid behind and infinite gobstopper of psychic and somatic stuff.
I see my last years as a contemporary `Path of the Initiate’, `Disciples Journey’ or some similar deep dive into the nooks and corners of the mind, body and soul. And it’s the perfect time to do it, son when the energy starts to raise again we can flourish
I have not seen friends recently. I have not been out much. I have not been speaking about this either,
I now have started to live in intuitive flow. Not filling my hands with projects and stuff and have-to’s, and pressuring myself or attaching myself to results or goals, but putting work in the process and waiting for green light… one project after the other… just listening to to the signs (play, pause, stop), giving a step forward and dancing with the happenings.
of chiseling one
So this is all to say that theres a lot going on beneath the surface and behind the screens. In my case, I’ve been peeling my face, eating ice cream non stop, avoiding people, dealing with extreme sleeping patterns, meditating and psychomagic-ing myself